televisions' life support

Monday, July 23

t.o.w. the end of an era

Has it been 17 years already?

How the hell Ms Jo managed to write 7 fascinating books in the span of 17 years and yet ultimately have everything fall into place is way beyond me.

But this is the end, or rather, the close. Voldy dies, Harry survives, marries Ginny and has kids - one named Albus Severus Potter - the middle name stemming from Snape who, to my utmost disbelief, has always been on the un-dark side. I hope I didn't spoil the ending for anyone. If I did, you just have to blame yourself for READING SO SLOWLY. I am quite pissed. 2 days into the release of the book and no one is ready to discuss the plot with me. Very upset. And you mudbloods dare say you grew up with Potter. Goblins...

But anyway, I don't know if HPATDH was my favourite book in the end but it was most different from the other school-based settings. The final battle at Hogwarts was epic and really should have been the only way to end the book. To have everyone come back, take sides and duel is perfect, most perfect. =)

So thats the end then! Happily ever after, after all these years. I cheered as the trio battled the many defences of the Philosopher's Stone, cringed at the idea of a Basilisk roaming the castle grounds in Chamber of Secrets, was amazed by the twists and turns of Prisoner of Azkaban, impressed with the ending of Goblet of Fire that paved way for the stories to come, flipped each page with my eyes glued to every word during the duel at the Ministry in Order of the Phoenix, could not believe that Snape killed Dumbledore in Half-blood Prince and finally, stared in disbelief at the very last word of the series in Deathly Hallows.

I say to hell with Potter, the chosen one. I revere Ms Jo. To have come up with such a magnificent concept that eons of children all over the world will fall in love with and stay loyal to for 17 years is magic beyond magic.

Now that the end has come, I guess the only relief is that thousands more children will begin to come of age and lay their hands on these 7 Horcruxes - books that store souls of faith, love, hope, friendship and kinship. And the best thing is that unlike those of us who grew up with Potter, these kids will have all 7 treasures in front of them when they read!

All hail Queen Jo!

EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!

Sorry, I couldnt resist. =)

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 10:37 AM

Sunday, July 15

t.o.w. i meet monica

I actually had an idea for this entry on Friday - a day where all was good and well. The supposed entry was to be filled with silly banter, puns and amusing language. Sadly, today is Sunday and all there is to it is PHLAT.

Anyway, in essence, I finally met Monica from Monica@ Work. And realised that Monica from Monica@ Work is not the boss of Monica@ Work. I am so dull. I blame Sunday.

This week was terribly packed. And I mean terribly. While I don't blame anyone except myself for letting such a silly schedule get to me, I really can't help but do so. Haha. So to all whom I met this weekend, RWAR. Again, all these angst, I blame Sunday.

There is just so much going on right now. The Board tomorrow. Mum being not around this couple of days. The dread that the uni apps bring with them. What I really want for myself and my family in the future. The people around me and what they have to go through and what they will be going through. What I have to go through.

I'm trying to dig deep here. Back to a couple of weeks ago when all was well and rosy. Perhaps , dare I say and I hope I'm wrong, optimistic to the point of foolishness. All of a sudden, all is bleak again.

I feel like a dementor is hovering above me.

Which is why I want to join the order of the phoenix. To learn how to conjure a patronus charm. I hope my patronus takes the form of a giant tennis ball. WHACK.

Dig deeper dig deeper.

But through it all, I suddenly feel like what I'm going through is no longer as menial as I made it out to be in the past. It has translated into greater things, greater than just an unwillingness to losing 2 years of my time. And while I'm appreciative that if anything, I am not a piece of rock or a person with the emotional maturity of a baby lizard (one of which I just murdered today, flushing it down the bath drain with hot, boiling water), I still would rather be basking in the luxury of a free, unboggled mind. I have to admit, that in recent years, I have evolved to someone less of a thinker. Bit of an airhead maybe even. And I'm telling you they were good times. And I want them back. RWAR. I'm a mess.

Expecto Patronum! Expecto Patronum! I don't even have silver wisps coming out of my imaginary wand. Even Longbottom did.

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 8:40 PM

Monday, July 9

t.o.w kenneth feels recharged?

Am I supposed to feel recharged?

I've been on my own bed 4 nights in a row now, had 3 good days at home to sleep, read, eat, bathe in hot hot water and chill. And yet I don't really seem to be up for whats coming again. I think I've had a bit too much to indulge in. Its a raw feeling. But I'm still trying to keep the optimism that has carried me through for the last week. And granted I may be in a bout of hot soup right now without knowing it, I really can't be bothered. Haha. Terrible isn't it. And I got so irritated when I recieved 3 calls today about work. Although it shows on one hand how indispensable I am in the running of the office (hurhur), it really does bug me on the other ; knowing that I can't even get a good day off. Irate, Irate. And I don't know whats wrong with me. During the days back I just want to laze around at home and mope my sorry ass on my bed but then just when I'm about to go back to the hellhole (or rather homely heaven seeing as how I'm trying to channel optimism), I feel like crap not having spent my weekend fruitfully. And then I start arguing within myself again that staying at home and chilling is also a "fruity" way to idle the weekend over and then I go back and forth back and forth. And its really irritating! What exactly should I be doing! Not fussing over how I've spent the weekend thats already gone most definitely! Rwar.

Haha. And then theres the looming dread of going back to this week of crap. The uncooperativeness I'm facing, the fingers pointing, the arrows shooting. Then again, I'd take this any day over the crap I orginally had to deal with. And I wonder if I'm a workaholic. I think in the future I may just be. I don't seem comfortable with leaving the place in their hands, even though they've been there long enough. I've built a nice little reputation that somehow I myself seem to be throwing bricks at, not to mention these dweebs. Haha. But I guess at the end of the day, I'm learning something so at least I hope I can say these 2 years were worth the time learning something, (yes even the iffy photography sessions - i am now well versed in hasty defences and deliberate attacks, mega hurhur).

And admist all these complaining I still think about him at the back of my head. How he must have not known at all. How he must have woken up having plans the following day that would forever remain plans. How he never knew his last run was his last. And most frighteningly, how he never knew his final adieu to his mother would indeed be the final goodbye. He's a stranger and yet he's taught me more than some friends have ever had. And if you ask me, it really is a lesson I'd rather not have learnt because it would then mean he would be alive. But no magic can bring back the dead and I guess I'm determined to make sure that the lesson he taught me was worth his while. And I think it would be wise for me to here warn myself that if I were ever to slip back to my old ways then that would be an insult to him and to his family. And I would never be able to be in good conscience face my own friends and family should that happen. So I guess, Thanks to Thaddeus.

A whole lot has happened this week. And suddenly I realise its about time I start to get on with the uni apps now. Columbia again? Cornell? NYU perhaps? Dare I dream Harvard? Yale maybe? I'm at lost. I hate to have to go back to uni fairs and all. I don't want to see andre. He would remind me to much of a life I need to have right now. Haha. He still rocks though.

I really look at my actions over the past week and can't help feeling silly. Can't believe I fancied myself capable of coping with more than I already have to. Things have just gotten slightly better around the camp and I have so little time as it is for the people who matter, silly real silly. But I must say the experience has shed light onto some drastic thoughts. And suddenly I see myself thinking about the person that I am, the person that I have come to be and the person that I want to be.

More thinking, more feeling.

Sometimes I wonder where the last 2 years went to.

And after yesterdays heartwrenching tennis final, all I can say is I miss Jennifer. I'm so glad I got to see her play when she still was playing. Yes! I need to live life to the fullest!

Crap. I started the whole "is a day at home chilling living life to the fullest nonsense" again.

The phrase of today is tall cafe mocha extra shot and piece of shit.

bye bye babies.

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 6:24 PM

Sunday, July 8

t.o.w. mahjong at mt faber

And for a moment life just stopped and stood still.

And we looked out into the open skies, with what stars there were shining bright yonder, aware of each others prescence and yet each comfortably retreated into our own thoughts and troubles, knowing that we were there, though unknowing and oblivious to our true struggles, but we were there.

And then the moment passed.

I really can't believe how close I still remain to this bunch of friends I've known for more than 10 years. How there really are no inhibitions here (ok, maybe some). How we weave our new lives into those we shared and had in the past. How we laugh at things old and new. How we treasure the memories we created and now create, old and new respectively. Life's good when you have people like this.

I think the past week I got more than I could ask for. More than I should have asked for. Unknowingly, I had so much on my plate already, I really don't know why in the world I went around begging for more. To feel included perhaps, to feel normal. But I say la vie boheme to that. I guess I've learnt a little something about rushing and what I truly want now for this period of time. It really is a moment of clarity, one to ponder about life's decisions, one to step out and observe for a little bit to gain new perspective and one to cherish and celebrate the many beautiful and wonderful friendships I have developed.

I know relationships keep a lot of people going. But for me, for now, I just can't get enough of my friends and family.

And then all of a sudden, I'm not so alone again.

"now or never, now or never, we must achieve more

now or never, now or never, we'll do our best for a better singapore!"

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 4:25 PM

Saturday, July 7

t.o.w. too much too soon

I blame myself partly.

Sometimes what we want the most, hurts the most.

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 7:51 PM

Sunday, July 1

t.o.w. nospaces

I'm excited.I'm excited.

Suddenly I feel human again.I feel the way I should be feeling for where and who I am now.Yayness!

I keep listening to Fergie's Big Girl's Don't Cry.And I keep trying to look for Gwen's 4 in the morning.Please send it to me if you have it. I will Not Cry for you at 4 In The Morning. Heh.

Yes.Positivity transcends all other powers in life!Shit coming will be shit shat!And when its all flushed away,the toilet bowl is clean, nice and happy again.

LYAM!LYAM?

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 1:42 PM