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Wednesday, March 1

t.o.w. the brood mood

Recently I find myself brooding aka Lucas like.

And when I brood I think back about pivotal moments in my life and sometimes wonder if I took the right choice. I know everytime after we come out fresh from an experience we look back with relief and say that we came out as better people from that but sometimes I guess your thoughts on issues change with time and events.

Lets see, I decided to chance it in Chinese High and I don't think I'll ever regret cos its really taught me a lot about dealing with people and stuff. I also decided to take a shot at NP and now though that has been tough, it probably was a helluva learning curve for me so I'm still grateful. I made a really good decision in wanting to go for OBK and now that really was rewarding in all aspects. I actually cant wait to recieve my letter that I wrote to myself in the Korean Wilderness. but every now and then I still wonder what could have happened if I had really jumped ship and taken a chance at going to RJ instead of following the mass mentality. Lets just say that for most part of my secondary school education I was inclined towards moving over but then some how some where along the line that fell to schmuck and I ended up here. Not that its been bad. I must mention that. I have learnt enough to know not to bite the hand that feeds and hc truly has been a really warm place with good friends and all but every now and then I still feel like I never do fit in. I mean. Seriously. I'm not the brotherly-high-fivey kind. I'm not the kind that discusses all the various types of superstars that actually calls for a whole other entry but yeah. I'm not the extreme sporty and extreme cool kind. I'm not the muggerish kind though sometimes I wish I was. I'm the anti-thesis of everyone in those categories. I lust after my favourite shows with stalker mentalities and am probably one of the few people here with a greater interest in socio-political films like brokeback and crash than in blockbuster action-packed hits. So every now and then when I'm down and feeling broody it makes me wonder if I would have been that tad bit happier in RJ maybe. Just because there might be a greater chance of meeting people that I can actually connect with. Truth of the matter is that I only know a handful bunch of people whom I can truly communicate my ideas to effortlessly and that speaks volumes because they arent even the people that I usaully hang out with. Of course, if I had gone into RJ then there might not have been such a warm fuzzy family environment that truly welcomes. But then again, its not like I feel truly accepted and happy in hc 24/7 anyway.

So theres that. Its impossible to find out. All I know is that I really need to sell it and work hard to get my butt down to studying so that I can be in NY in a few years with Sheena studying at Columbia / Cornell / NYU to truly live our American dream. The mere thought of it is enough to keep me going. Haha. There is that distant chance that we will both do well enough to make it and then end up as friends aka f.r.i.e.n.d.s. and truly live life new york style! Haha.

If that were to happen then at least I can thank hwachong for giving me a great friend in vappy. =)

Aww. You better be moved to tears my dear Vappy. =)
kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 10:21 PM