televisions' life support

Saturday, November 26

t.o.w. the coin

So I cleaned out my closet today. Threw a ton of things out. In some ways, I think I'm quite wasteful cos' I'm throwing out or giving away clothes that I've worn like once or never even at all. And linens and towels too. But yeah. I hate clutter. Cannot live with it. So they just have to go.

Anyway. My closet has a lot of space now. I actually found space to place my shoes in trays so at least I can have the option of chosing from different pairs of shoes now instead of hiding 2 in the storeroom and only using them when the other has given way at a time when they are no longer in fashion. Though I think dunks are here to stay, but nvm.

Anyway. I saw a coin in the closet today. It has been hiding in the closet for some time and as I digged it out so did certain issues. It's time I stopped hiding.

I think I'm a real hyprocrite sometimes. God this is going to be revealing.

Anyway. Before that, my father just asked me if I blogged and I said yes and he asked me for my add and I was like NO. YOU FREAK. I BLOG SHIT STUFF ABOUT YOU. But no. I just said no one knows the add and so I lied again, as I always do just cos' its the easiest way out.

What did you eat today? Burger King (34 buck buffet at swissotel actually)
Who did you watch movie with? My sec school friend. (Alison, Ade, Jiatub and Xuyan actually)
Where did you go today? Watch Movie. (Lost 20 bucks at mahjong actually)

I don't know. Its like I cant talk to him at all. So we end up ignoring each others presence most of the time just cos' I think he's quite tired of getting a proper answer in full sentences and I'm sick of supplying any cos' if I do then there's a whole barrage of questions. I know I'm being an ass, he really is a good person but sometimes I just don't get him and when I see him do certain stuff I sometimes wonder how he can stand there and preach at me when I'm sometimes just an exact replica of him anyway. Don't judge me when you read this, you really have to experience him before you should make any critical decisions about me. But I know to cherish whatever time I may have left. I mean, it really is scary how fate has stolen parents from some of my friends and I guess one doesn't actually feel it till it really happens, so I guess I think I need to try before its too late. Well its not like I havent, but I guess its gonna have to be a sustained effort.

Hah. I feel like Nathan in OTH now. And in some ways, he is Dan.

Anyway. Enought about that shit.

Right! So more about the coin. Sometimes I just think I'm such a loser hypocrite.

I mean I keep dreaming about going to the states and living in new york and living the life I've always envisioned and I think everybody knows that but I don't think anyone knows that the reason why I really want to go abroad is mainly to turn into a badass. I don't particularly fancy myself doing it here. Haha. I don't know maybe its the cheena culture or what. But back to the american dream, maybe its pop culture but if that is the case then I'd be truly young and impressionable so I don't think it is. I think its more of having lived such an oppressed life by my terms of course because I know I have a whole lot more freedom than most people do but yeah. I mean, I just want to be able to do whatever I like, when I like without having to worry about this or that or shit. I mean, hell yeah! I'm darn sure I can take care of myself even with all that I have planned in my mind already like getting hopelessly drunk or waking up with a huge hangover not knowing where I am or what I've done the last night. But yeah! I just need that bit of edge in my terribly routined and sedate life.

Mostly I just want to live in a pool house alone. Haha.

And then there are days when I'm totally into the idea of just packing my bags and flying to new york and to try to make it there just because you know I really love new york. Apart from the all badass movement I have going on there, I just really love New York! I mean, the feeling I got from walking along Broadway or 5th Avenue or outside NYSE or in the grand central or at times square. I mean, I felt important. I felt chance. I felt opportunity. I felt like life ran through my veins at that exact moment and I was spurred to work it out in New York. But of course, I don't have the guts to do it. I never have. Anyway. I figure I know New York so well from my travelling and my research that I could move over right now and not have to acclimatise at all. After all, it is the life I want. So thats why when everyone gets psyched about hearing that I want to be able to make it to an american university and they ask which one and I reply NYU, they often reply with a "say what?" kind of an attitude. And the truth is, I don't care whether or not I manage to graduate with top honours with a double degree or any sort of shit like that. I just want a chance mostly to live the life in the city that I truly love, even though I will strive to at least get by in the college.

I'm thankful for everything that Singapore has given me and stuff but mostly I want to live in the States because its a much more open and welcoming society and I just think I'd fit it there. Granted TV did its damage to my mind and thinking but mostly having spent time in the States and all, I truly know thats what I want.

Maybe 10 years from now, I'll be flying from New York to Cali to attend Shiqi's wedding to an angmor old man like Caleb Nichol, then she can really be Juju. Hah. Shiqi the PUNK and Kenneth the HUNK huh. So much for our rashes. Haha. That's why she's my soul bro. =) Anyway. About the rashes. It is bad. Its very prickly and painful so that whenever it gets going, I feel like I'm being thrown repeatedly onto a bed of needles. OUCH. I think I need a doctor. ARGH. And the weirdest thing is, it only acts up whenever I'm sweating or I'm out for too long. In an ac'ed room, I feel perfectly find.

Is it dumb that I'm studying like a madass mugger now so I can waste my life away later?

Do I need therapy?

Needed the password change. Cos I think only my really true friends understand what I'm feeling right now. So feel privileged if you knew the password change. If you don't, its mostly cos I'm afraid of being judged by you when you don't really know the real me and all you do know is the fake-happy shithead smiling liked a dumbnut.

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 8:29 PM

Friday, November 25

t.o.w. the victors' au revoir

Yea yea. Had last training today at victors.

Bowled 8 games. All kns. But nvm. Haha

Err. Woke up quite late. Like at 9.56 when training was at 10 so I had to bum down quickly but I couldnt because I had no money for cab. So I went around the house looking for money. Heh. Potential robbers should take note, never rob the Low Residence. I manage to find 10 bucks after considerable searching in all 4 rooms.

Anyway. Bowled just 2 games cos I was so late. Then played photo hunt for FREE for a while. Haha. Quite dumb but fun. Then went to eat Ah Wong Chicken Rice and orhluat. Yea. Both were damn nice. But its quite dumb cos I only eat the egg part of orhluat. Is that "orh" or "luat"? Heh. Then went back to victors to buy the bowling bag, which I kind of regret now cos its quite heavy and its quite hard to manage. Anyway. Then played even more photohunt. Haha. We tried the HUNKS and BABES section. Damn stupid. Their muscles and butts are already so big, they still managed to edit them gargantuan. Haha. Then err, we decided that it was stupid that we came all the way here to bowl 2 games so we went to bowl another 6 games. In the last game David came and coached us for a bit and I feel like I improved my throw a lot. Yea. Haha. Yep. Then went home at 5+.

Haha. So I spent 8 hours at marina south.

ONE INDEED CAN SPEND A WHOLE DAY THERE AND HAVE FUN.

Bye victors. Bye storeroom. Bye "pashmina". Bye Davids'. Bye freakish Paul. Bye nice toilets. Bye wooden lanes. Bye chicken chop, fries and lemon tea. Bye 400. Bye Pin Xian.

Hello yishun safra. Hello Billy. Hello nicer toilets. Hello synthetic lanes. Hi Fishballs. Hello 169. Hello Northpoint.

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 8:06 PM

Thursday, November 24

t.o.w. i'm sexy and scratchy

I am itching very badly!

My butt and lower back first. And then since scratching is so addictive, the itch has now spread to my neck and other regions that I fear I may not be able to disclose. Sorry you curiositics shitheads.

Reasons for the itch!

1. Lying down on a dirty bed.
3 months since the last bedsheet change so I don't know if there are bedbugs that are attracted to my butt. Most likely reason.

2. Sitting on the carpet for 2.5 hours.
Watched HPTGF with shiqi on the aisle cos' we abandoned our front row seats. The asshat was late as usual. =) Haha. But it was fun and the beeg secret was revealed. Haha. Not so likely, cos I had on errm, 2 layers of protection. Err. Anyway. The new dumbledore sucks. He is too energetic and not awe-inspiring enough. Lousy casting. I find it quite funny how puberty has hit them. Haha. They all look weird. Nice hair though. And it was damn funny laughing at how draco looks like bearbear. And the twins were damn funny and candid too.

3. Doing situps on a dirty mat.
Quite likely since my butt would have touched the mat. I hate how situps hurt the boney part of your butt.

4. Finishing a whole bacardi on my own
Ruby Grapefruit. Err. Its quite a nice flavour. Haha. My alcoholic consumption ability is poor. Haha. Its only like 5% alcohol lah and I got quite flushed. Haha. Shitster and I were drinking and msging each other about the aftereffects. We are such losers. Nvm. I shall train hard for US. Heh.

5. Anxiety for Miguel
Ahh. My south american friend. I hope you are ok. No hurricanes went your way hopefully. Yeah. Maybe worrying is giving me the itch.

Argh. I'm like in cold turkey now cos I'm trying not to scratch! HELP ME.

Oh yah. Some samiratan said I have sexy fingers. Heheh.

Sexy and Scratchy.

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 8:25 PM

Wednesday, November 16

t.o.w. kenneth takes on china

Hello you fools, Kenneth blogs from the comfort of his room in the luxurious Shangri-la Hotel in Shanghai.

Do not be mistaken though, this is probably just the one good thing in this amazingly sedate and irritating trip. Well, here's the lowdown.

Day 1 - Flight to Shanghai
In retrospect, the flight last year from Singapore all the way to Newark was probably damning. I now no longer appreciate any of the inflight frills that economy offers. Executive economy, you see, comes with LEATHER headrests. It seems the only choice I have now apart from executive economy is business. But without a family fortune of 20 billion dollars nor a charitable sponsor, that option is out of question. But what really irked me is the timing of the inflight services. It wasnt a very long flight, so I thought I'd get in a movie and then sleep the rest of the time away. But the irritating schedule has it such that by the time the movie just about finishes and you get settled in with the static blanket and the FABRIC headrest, they then begin to serve breakfast. Fine then, the trouble is that they take eons to clear the meal trays so all that I could do was to watch Will & Grace. Not that I'm complaining though, it probably is the best comedy series never to hit our sandy shores. I tried watching Sex and the City just to see what the whole hype is about, but I never got it. Maybe its because I'm not yet nearing menopause. Anyway, when they finally did clear the trays, I got settled it again and by now, they inform us to bloody MOVE OUR SEAT UPRIGHT to get ready for landing. Great planning SQ.

Anyway. Just so anyone wonders, Flightplan is absolute bull. I went to the toilet and tried to do a jodie foster aka lift the ceiling of the toilet up as if it it weighed a total 0.317 grams. There is no such thing. The ceiling is wielded shut. Oh wait. Maybe I'm just weak. Maybe I'm weaker than Jodie Foster. Well, but she is strong. She did carry a six year old under her cloak.

Day 2 - Cheap Hotels and Chino
Yesterday, I was on SQ. As compared to other travellers on China Southern or Cathay Pacific, I was from Newport. Today, I reside in a cheap low-level hotel in town and I am now from Chino. (OC terms, but I'll get to that in a minute) But what really amazed me the moment I got out of the plane was the general social etiquette or rather the lack thereof. The airport officials were grim, sour-faced looking people with a bout of negative energy surrounding those foreboding foreheads. Bad signs people, bad signs. When asked questions, they act as if you just asked an incredibly ridiculous question that does not warrant even a nod of the head. And when not asked anything, they shout at you like rugrats out of line. Great impression, China. So this went on for quite a while till I cleared the customs and all and reached the hotel. There was a marked difference in manners. The staff were polite and happy to be of service. Great positive energy around them that seemed to make all go well. So, I made a hasty deduction (that will soon be supported after my trip), that the Chinese people are capable of great manners and social decorum, they just need to see you as important, rich people who are potential customers. In short, good service comes with a price in China. I'm not saying that you know, Singapore isnt like this at all. It really is, but to a much less extent. We arent as polite nor friendly as westerners but we are getting there. Neither are we as rude nor crass as the Chinese. We're kind off in between the West and China, which in geographic terms, is very true. So theres that. Anyway, I'm in my hotel room and I find a great show on TV. Dong You Ji! The Singaporean edition! The Eight Immortals Crossing The Sea Edition. Yea yea. I'm a happy freak. As westernised as I am, I'm still a sucker for these shows. =) Ok. Back to the Shanghainese. It seems Kenneth and Shanghainese Chinese do not go well together. First of all, I don't get whats the big rush in Shanghai. Everyone is rushing. No one runs, but everyone walks briskly. I think its contagious because when among them you just feel compelled to walk fast. On the way to the tennis stadium, we were at the subway and our cards didnt seem to work. I would tap on the sensor but nothing would happen. So I tried it many times and then one time, I decided to just try to barge through the barrier. This was not a pretty sight, with my weight and all. But the man behind, evidently bored and tired of waiting for me to clear the gantry, was all hyped up at the sight of me walking forward and he decided to tap his card. His worked but I was still behind the gantry, so that when I pushed, I made it across but not him. It was quite a sight. He yelling at shouting and pointing and me running and jumping, dodging the verbal abuse and trying to direct everyone to think it was an old man's doing with my sight.

I need paragraphs. Sorry all you 4-eyed fools.

Next incident. I was walking along the tracks of the subway and then this woman dressed in all-white as though she was Santa's elf stranded in snow, barged right into me. Instead of apologising or having a remotely sorried facial expression, she said in the loudest fashion, "TSK" and glared as though them big eyes could send me flying across the track into the path of the coming train in a Susan Storm move. I really like the people here.

Ok. Many such incidents later, I finally reached the tennis center, which is a dumb 1.5 hour travel from the city. But it is grand and it is nice. It's just not easily accessible. Right. Anyway, so we are watching good tennis! Nalbandian and Federer was really good. Ljubicic and Coria wasnt that great but it was still ok. Its really quite different to watch tennis live. You cant flip channels when you are bored, there are no instant replays and the ball moves a lot faster. I guess you really have to experience it live just once. But yeah. More of that later. Anyway, amidst the good tennis action, the language milieu of the Chinese striked again. They would shout "hao qiu" at every single shot! Not that I mind the "timeless" chinese language, but shouting in between points? God! So if anyone watches the live telecast on Starsports, you can't hear me shouting C'mon Gaudio or C'mon Agassi. But if you do hear people shushing the crowd up, you can be certain that I'm among the select few on the misson to save the tennis fraternity from the crass behavior of the Chinese. =) Also a bad day for me at the office as both my players, Nalbandian and Coria lost. I think its something to do with the colour orange. Both were clad in orange. Not to mention that Coria was in a Nadal-like lycra suit that made it look like he had saggy breasts. But thats a whole other story I guess.

The Chinese people also have another weird habit. Most of them of course do not like to answer questions, but those that do because they see you as a paying customer like to answer all questions in an extremely earnest fashion with all the wrong answers. I call it the I-Don't-Know-But-I'll-Tell-You-Gungho Attitude. Just like this asshole usher who told his buses were present at all exits when clearly that was not true, so we had to track like 20 minutes to the correct bus stop which was actually just like 5 mins away from where we originally were. It really is sweet. Makes up for all the other bad points.

And so after just one single day in China, I lay wide awake on my very hard bed and wonder what I would do if I had to live here. What if by some dumbass joke played on by fate and I would go to an american university and work for an american bank just to get posted to work in China. I think I would jeopardise the plane midway and maybe fall down to live in Jordan. Since bombs have a knack for not going off as planned there, I might have a chance. After all, I did watch Flightplan you know.

Day 3 - The Big Letdown
Woke up late at around 11 and then we bummed around town waiting for my mum to get into Shanghai. Today is also the day when I get upgraded back to Newport Status. My mum's arrival no less. When she did arrive, we checked into Shangri-La, which is really spank. With my mum's underworld connections and mafia friends, we managed to get the largest hotel room in Shanghai. I love my mum. =) Anyway. More tennis today. Nadal and Gaudio and Agassi and Davydenko. The Agassi match was pretty good even though he lost. I was quite surprised that shit-head davydenko has fans in China. I thought the Chinese would think of his name as some weird mongolian dish. But nyeh. Anyway. The greatest saddest news was that Nadal would not be able to play. And I was BUMMED. I reallly was. More so than when Hewitt or Roddick dropped out because I really wanted to see Nadal play. Argh. So much for being my favourite player. Shucks. Nvm, at least I got to see him in person when he took to the courts to explain whats going on. Now, thats class. I like him even more now. Haha.

Anyway, shithead Puerta took Nadals' place and thank god because Gaudio made quickwork of him =) Anyway, once again, both Agassi and Puerta had orange on their clothes. Sad. Anyway. After Agassi's match. My heart plummeted once again when he announced that he would also be withdrawing from the competition. That's just great. Really. All the four of my favourite players pulled out of the fucking competition. And when the tournament for the top 8 gets the 13th ranked player, something is obviously wrong. But really, there is nothing I can do I guess. Just pure luck. I got good tennis though. Just not the people I'd like. My luck. My luck. My fucking luck.

So, I'm already riled up. The journey home made things no better. Chinese people are rude, insolent and fucking shallow. I'm sorry to all who feel like I'm adhoc'ing with this statement but I'm making a comment based on what I've experienced. So, we're waiting for the bus in the queue. Foreigners and Chinese people. While the foreigners wait silently in the queue, the Chinese just walk up front of you as if you are non-existent and just cut your queue like that. They also push and shove and elbow their way into the bus just so they can get a seat even though others have been in line for like eons before. But Kenneth will take no such nonsense. So when it came to our turn, I think I elbowed one guy "accidentally" in the groin region cos' he was trying to shove my mum out of the way. The audacity he had. I hope he has plenty of mutated kids from now on. Nyeh, k thats bad. But yeah, I managed to get a seat anyway. Hah.

You know. Its just weird that people think of Singaporeans as kiasu, they really should see the Chinese at work. Its a whole other definition of kiasu. At least us Singaporeans are clever enough to embrace it as part of our culture. The Chinese are too dumb to even think of it as a problem.

Day 4 - Dunks! Dunks! Dunks!
Err. Woke up late again. Did I mention that my room has automated day and night curtains. You just click on the button and the curtains just swish in and out like that. Haha. Anyway. I have found another enjoyable thing to do during the trip. Watch OC! Haha. Thanks to the shi'ster the punkster who supposedly misses me very badly. HAHA. I managed to get the dvds and am enjoying it! Haha. K la, I still think OTH rules all but OC is not bad. =) So yep, I think I watched 3 epis in the morning. Haha. Err, then went shopping with my mum. Haha, we found this place where the stuff is really cheap and I found my dunks! But still not that cheap la, so I decided to go back and sleep on it. But bought clothes and other good stuff. Ya, shopping here is good. =)

K. Then went for the evening singles session to see Federer, Ljubicic and Nalbandian, Coria. Now these matches were good. Both of them were. While I think most enjoued the Federer, Ljubicic more, I kinda liked the all Argentine affair better just cos' it had better rallies. But yeah, at least the tennis was good. Once again, Ljubicic and Coria were in orange. I am going to sucker-punch diadora if they make Gaudio wear orange. Matches ended late so reached the hotel at about 1. Too tired to do anything so just slept. Ehh. My MSN is not working! And all the other common web-based messengers too! I need help! Argh...

Day 5 - Anti-Tennis
Given the withdrawal of Nadal and Agassi. The gold group now consists of shit players with the exception of Gaudio. So decided not to make the 3 hour trip to and fro just for him. Pity though, I wanted to support my dear ponytailed friend. Haha. But yeah. So I slacked the whole morning away and watched another disc of OC. Haha. I like Seth. I like Sandy and Ryan is ok lah. The females are all ok except for Summer, who I hate to the core. She is so Season 1 Brooke like lah. I hope she changes. Haha. Anyway, went back to get my dunks and even more good stuff. =)

Anyway. Reached the hotel in time to see Gaudio lose. Extremely sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. My poor ponytailed friend. I hope he thrashes Gonzalez on Friday. But he played quite well to get from 1-4 to 4-4. Too little too late I guess. After that went swimming at the hotel pool and went to the jetpool and sauna. Nicee. I shall exercise more often to work my flab away. The Shanghainese may be rude, but they sure can cook.

Day 6 - Ale Roger!
Ahhh. I just blogged about Day 6 and Blogger lost my entry! Argh. Nvm, I'm on holiday and off MSN, which I still can't figure out. I shall re-blog.

So I woke up early today for breakfast and then went shopping. Came back and then watched OC. Ahh. Finally there are signs that Summer may not be all bimbo bad. Then I went to swim another 30 laps. Ahh. I feel so fit now. I think I can sucker-punch Jodie Foster. And you know what, I won't even feel bad. Haha.

Anyway. Tennis today was good. I expected more from Nabby and Ljubicic but Nabby won 2 and 2. So thats that. I'm happy. Ljubicic looked off though, I think it was his ankle or something. I don't know. Anyway. I didnt expect much from Federer and Coria but that turned out really good because of the whole see-saw momentum turns. Really good. Pity Coria couldnt pull it out in the end. But I admire Coria. He hits meanie groundstrokes. And he is damn charismatic. Not like boring Uncle Roger. Anyway. Live tennis really is good! I just don't know how to describe the feeling in words. Its like when everyone watches a rock band live for the first time and everyone likes it but no one really says so. Yeah. Its that kind of subtle joy. But its still very good. Anyway. Gaudio tomorrow! I'm still torn and don't know if I should go down to support him. Cos' I read that he may have tanked his Davydenko match to try and get around playing Roger in the SF. So I'm not sure yet. I'll check his head to head with Gonzalez and Grandpa Davy later. If he really did tanked his match, I don't think I'll go, I don't like tankers. But for now, go Gaudio!!!

Anyway. During the Federer match, there was this Federer fan who kep shouting "Ale Roger". I recognise him from TV. I think his job is to fly around the world where ever Federer plays and try to unite the fans. I think that is an amazing job. Maybe I'll start a Nadal, Gaudio or Capriati version. Heheh. But I'll need money to bankroll the operation though. I think after I murder Jodie Foster's character, I'll grab all her money. Designing a state of the art plane has to have its benefits.

Also, more to complain about the Chinese assholes. So we were waiting for a cab and then these 3 grown men just walked up front of us and tried to hail our cab. And they bloody got in even though I managed to squeal in my broken Chinese in this direct translation of "You no hear before queue." They thought of it as an unknown language! Is it?Anyway, I responded in the way all Singaporeans know how - with my trusty finger. But the extent of the message getting across is questionable because I think they must have thought that I was demonstrating the ancient lost art of the Yiyang Finger. Well, it actually isnt hard at all. Just flash your finger in all directions quickly and wildy at anyone you see and chant this sutra "Fuck You! Fuck You!". You'll soon realise that this art is not lost and is in fact an innate skill in everyone.

Gaudio for Shanghai!

Day 7 - My Shangri-la
I basically did shit today except for enjoy my hotel. Haha. Xiang Ge Li La as the locales put it. It really is quite a good place. I recommend it to both ronald macdonald the freako and kaojun the tennis maniac. Heh. Hmm. The service is not bad. There is free wireless internet access in the room. A super large toilet that I know is bigger than some people's rooms, nice food, nice swimming pool a nice health club, complimentary fruits and chocolates everyday. CHOCOLATES!!! A dvd player in the room, flat screen tv, tv in the toilet so you can soak in the tub and still watch tv. And most importantly, the automated day and night curtains. My personal favourite. Heh. So yeah. I basically didnt do much today. Watched 3 epis of OC, slept and went to the health club for a while in a bid to sweat for the first time in days. I also watched Gaudio's match on TV today. OMG. It was good. Stupid shit head Gaudio, he had me biting my fingernails the whole time. But my dear ponytailed friend pulled it out. =) Yea! Gaudio for Shanghai! =) I hope he beats Federer tomorrow. Yea! And Nalbandian too! Then it can be an all Argentine affair. I'm beginning to like Argentina now. The States, Spain and now Argentina! And if I ever master Spanish, I'll be able to communicate efficiently in all 3 countries! Woo! But really, the match was really good. Thoroughly enjoyed the match. I don't think I've ever gotten so involved in a match this year, especially with Jennifer not playing and all. Now I have Gaudio! Gaston! Vamos! Gane el torneo, usted puede hacerlo!

Oh. There was once when he adjusted his cap and it vaguely looked as though he was wearing a fake ponytail attached to his head by the cap. Heh. I hink I'm going to get me one of those. People around the world will call me Kaston Laudio. My my, what a great name. It does sound fashion designer'ish. Maybe I will have my own line of underwear soon. yuck.

Can I take a ferris wheel ride with you?

Day 8 - I hate Bagels.
Weep everyone, weep. My poor Gaudio was thumped in his semi-final match with asshat Federer. Everyone at the stadium got free bagels. I hate double bagels! Ass Federer. Couldnt he just give poor Gaudio one game. Arse. Anyway. My father was saying it was embarrassing for Gaudio. I promptly told him to fly his own kite, cos I think its remarkable that he managed to come in as an alternate and then reach the semis and that match against Gonzalez was pretty good. Just his luck that he met an in-form Federer on one of his bad hair days. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Gaudio still rocks. Speaking about bad hair, Gaudio has none. I managed to catch him practicing with his coach lah and he wasnt wearing his cap, so I had full view of his damn bunched up and nice ponytail. Err, Ok, its real. Haha. I have a weird fetish for ponytails. Nalbandian could grow on me. Oh yah. After the bagel, I think the swiss fans felt bad for Gaudio and so they all got together to cheer Nabby on. Haha. I think that was great. I have some pics. Will post them up later.

Anyway. Nabby's game was ok. He looks good though, might have a chance against Federer tomorrow. =) Jen, Rafa and G! Even though Gaudio isnt one of the top players on the tour, I still like him and that shows depth in tennis, which is evidently lacking in CHINA ASSHOLES given that they only know how to support the top player. ASSHATS. I hope the bloody yellow river floods on Tuesday after I leave. Heheh, then the world will be rid of all crass shitheads. I have more to complain about. These bloody assholes apparently bought tickets to have a social elitist party, not to watch tennis in its full top-8-minus-roddick-nadal-hewitt-safin-agassi-and-is-shit-glory. They keep talking lah! Like in between points, in between first and second serves and even during the point lah. I kept shushing them up today. Haha. But crass as they are, they probably don't get me. And they like to broadcast their commentaries on the match. They love to shout "hao qiu!" at every single shot, or try to tell the players what to do like shout "zhi xian!" "da guo qu!" ASSHOLES LAH. All these during play! How rude and shitty can CHINA get. I don't even bother about offending anyone, I'm super irritated now.

Oh. And they apparently have no shame. So loads of people seat in better seats in hope of lucking out and getting a better view. I think thats fine. But you would think that if the original seatholder came up to them, they would sheepishly shy away. BUT NO. They have the bloody cheek to tell the person to sit in another empty seat lah! Asshats. They know no shame. The Chinese only know chinese poop and chinese fuckery. Argh! And on the train, they are DUMB. The train is packed full when it arrives at the station. When the doors open, hordes of people want to get out but they cant because CHINA DWEEBS are forcing their way into the train. So in the end, no one gets off the train and no one gets on the train. Brilliant, simply brilliant. And even though there is no space on the train, they try to force their way into the bloody small cabin and everyone ends up knudging each other for space because if any of you thinks the Singapore MRT is bad during rush hour, you should totally check out Shanghai. I even had to shout out, in once again, my half broken chinese that there wasnt any space left on the train and that they should fuck off. But yeah, I didnt know how to communicate fuck off you dweeb in mandarin, so I stopped at ZOU KAI. Err. I think my pinyin is bad. Haha.

So yeah. In short. CHEENA FART CHINESE CHINA'IANS or whatever are RUDE, INSOLENT, CRASS, STUPID, DUMB and AMAZINGLY SHITHEADED ASSHATS. They should stop acting so yaya and prepare for the flood on Tuesday.

I'm calling National Geographic.

Hi, I'm calling on behalf of humanity and manners, can you please flood the Yellow River in China on Tuesday?

And if that doesnt work, I can always crash more planes in China. I have access to all these planes with Jodie Foster's ID.

Oh yah. I actually bought the dvd. Haha. =)

Now now, Argentina for Shanghai!

Day 9 - The Final Score
6-7 6-7 6-2 6-1 7-5. Amazing! Haha. It really was a great match but the icing on the cake was that Nalbandian beat Federer! Heheh. Wah lao, it was damn exciting lah. Especially the second set tiebreak, when it was setpoint after setpoint. And also to see Federer come back from 0-4 down in the fifth and then see Nalbandian save his ass in the final moments of the match by breaking Federer to get back to 6-6. Amazing, I tell you. I guess the entire tennis experience was simply fantastic! Taking away the long travelling time and the crass chinese crowd, the tennis was spectacular and the chance to see players like Nadal, Gaudio, Agassi, Federer, Coria and Nalbandian was good. Never mind the fact that most of the top 8 were absent, there was good tennis in the end. And if anyone complains about the lack of depth in the tournament, then that person ultimately does not know good tennis. =)

Gee, Tee, Kay, Raf!

Anyway. Pretty much didnt do much today. Did some last minute shopping and I managed to finally find my leather jacket. Yea! I now have a leather jacket and leather gloves. I think I can be a biker. Oh yah, I have my NP boots too. Then bought more t-shirts for tennis and also bought DVDs! Heheh. Damn happy. I bought JOEY and desperate. Yea yea. Both were damn cheap. =)

K. Nothing much. Slept early for the flight back to Singapore.

Day 10 - I'm Home
The flight back was terribly mundane. No leather headrests. Anyway, watched 2 movies. Mr and Mrs Smith (still a good movie) and Crash. Crash was really good. Go watch. It explores issues on racial discrimination and is quite touching towards the end. CRASH.

Err. Unpacked and checked my DVDs. They work! Haha. We went with 3 luggages and came back with 7.

Anyway. To sum up. China's a bitch. Right, Shanghai has great infrastructure and is pretty developed and on the surface everything seems good, but peel the onion and go underneath (literally, into the subway) and there is a whole other side of Shanghai that I simply cannot agree with. Give or take another 20 years and maybe I'll eat my words. But good tennis, good lodging and good shopping though. So I guess not all is bad. Pretty pleased with what I've got, just not a big fan of the crass chopstick'd chinese. Aye, I couldnt resist one last dig.
That's that.

OBK! Here I come!

But before that, Sheena just remided me of SATs. Heh.

To live the American Dream.

I deem it fitting that at the end of this CHEENA entry, the long-awaited American dream was still brought in. After all, thats what its all about.

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 12:51 PM

Saturday, November 12

t.o.w. the near criminal record

Ahh. I almost got my mug-shot taken.

K. I was at Royal Sporting House cos' my dad wanted to buy a pair of goggles. I was at the shoelace area cos' I wanted to get coloured laces for my bowling shoes. I found what I wanted and went to my father, who couldnt seem to find a suitable pair. So then we decided to leave and go one floor up to World Of Sports. And so, I swaggered out of the store without paying for the bloody shoelaces and carried on sipping at my ice milo like a bloody 2 year old tasting coke for the first time. Slurp Slurp Slurp.Classic, I tell you. I didnt even realise it till we bought the goggles and I found myself clutching the shoelaces in my left hand, then I had to run all the way back down to look dumb. I was actually a little hesistant because I thought the very fierce aunty there would call the cops when I re-entered the store with unpaid merchandise.

But I am an honest child. =)

Ok, have some other things to shit about but the cab is here so I have to leave for the airport. Ya, k bye.

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 10:15 PM

t.o.w. steven strait's boomerang

Boomerang - Steven Strait

Help me lord, I thought I found it

Just like a dream, turned out all wrong

Don't feel the same man as am about me now

Don't feel the hurting when I'm gone

Don't feel the wonder of the sweetness

Don't feel the aching intuition

Don't feel the way I feel without you, girl

Just the flowers in your hair

Should I never look into your eyes again

Should I never wanna make the call

Should I ever need you like my only friend

Should I read the writing on the wall

Just as simple as a feeling

Just as simple as these cards

Why do I feel so god'damn complicated

Don't feel the aching intuition

Keeps coming back without you

Like a boomerang through my heart

Cos that cupid ain't even found me now

The end of the road, another down

Should I never look into your eyes again

Should I never want to give my all

Should I ever need you like my only friend

Should I read the writing on the wall

All of those themes, hoping I'd dream we'd fall together

Never to be, if only one even dreams of love

Help me lord, I thought I found it

Just like a dream turned out all wrong

Don't feel the same man as am about me now

She loves to hear the sadness in my song.

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 12:02 AM

Friday, November 11

t.o.w. the chicken carcass removal

Hello everyone, Kenneth smiles again! =)

Heh. Yea yea! Went to get my chicken carcass removed today. Chicken O Chicken, you have been with me for almost 6 months. Now, you have been reduced to nothing but some powder like substance that I accidentally swallowed part of. Heh. Anyway. =)

Eh. First I must discredit the huge bummer ass Ronald Macdonald. Due to his indefinitely large oversight, I was made to sprint down Orchard Road from Cine to Lido in like 10 minutes flat just cos' he refused to tell me he was at Lido and so I assumed naturally, as anyone at Somerset MRT would, that Cine was my destination. Thanks dude.

Anyway, I managed to trick a mashed potato out of it, so alls good.

Haha. Oh yah. Finally bought my topspin for like 37.90. Haha. And great news, I played like 1 hour of it and then my xbox died again. Yugi!!!

Oh yah. Went out for lunch with Yixue and Xuyan at Crystal Jade and nearly got tricked into ordering dumb "siew mai". Heh. Anyway, that was quite fun. Haha. Should do it more often.

Then today I woke up late and was late for training. Err. I think I'm really deproving lah. I need professional help. Haha. Crap. Nvm, after my Shanghai trip I'm gonna come back to hit a ton of 200 games. Yea. Anwar is going to call me for teaching lessons soon.

Then went for lunch and watched a rather disappointing Just Like Heaven with janice. Err. For all the hype, it turned out to be a major fiasco. I was also nursing a major bladder emergency halfway through the show. Most unfortunately, the toilets were occupied so I had more pee dance practice. Then went for dinner and went to get some stuff for Shanghai and OBK. Note to Xuyan, Sheena, Ade, Tubsy and Jiatub : I HAVE FRIGGIN FOUR ROLES OF HARIBO. Heh. Tiring day. Haha. But met quite a few people. HC people have a thing with Cine and bowling peeps all have great escalator fetishes. Ya. Heh.

Oh oh. And tried to sneak into a R21 show, Tokyo Noir, cos' we had so much time before our show started and it turned out to be a total flop cos' the janitor was waiting for dumbnuts like us to appear at the door. Heh. Damn malu lah. Luckily we siamed before he could come after us. Haha. Heh, but it was worth the laughs.

K. I'm leaving tomorrow since I've recieved no news about anyone else pulling out of the tourney. They better not have any last-minute withdrawals. I'll track them down and skin them alive. Then I'll put on their skin and play for them. Heh.

Ya k, thats all bye!

Pre-flight me is a lucky tweeb. =)

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 11:04 PM

Wednesday, November 9

t.o.w. the fucking tennis mishit

Totally wrong year to decided to go down to Shanghai SOLELY for the Masters Cup.

Firstly, shit ass players like fucking ugly disgusting shithead asswipe mother fucker davydenko qualifies by doing shit the whole season.

Secondly, stupid bald patch Ljubicic qualifies just cos' he is an asshat.

So, the initial top eight did not include fucking good and ponytailed Gaudio. K. Fine. Tough Luck. I accepted my destiny in that I'd never get to see Gaudio.

Then friggin good and exciting Hewitt whom I was looking forward to see play has pulled out just cos' his wife is giving birth! Hello!!! Like, where are your priorities man! Ya k, maybe its the right thing to do, but now I'm fucking pissed so you made a shitass decision Hewitt, C'mon! K, the only consolation is that he was replaced by Gaudio.

Then friggin amazing and inspiring Roddick has also pulled out cos he stupidly injured his back in Paris. How dumb can you get Roddick! Argh! He was one of the main reasons that I decided to go down to Shanghai la. What the friggin fuck! K. At least he is replaced by an ok Nalbandian.

And now they drop the toughest bomb on my already disheveled heart. Shithead boring Davydenko and old man baldie Ljubicic are not even in the same group! So means I can't pon any matches cos' all matches would feature good people! Wah lao. I sincerely hope that Davydenko and Ljubicic lose all their first round matches.

Furthermore, I'm not very excited about getting to see Federer. He sucks.

Ok. So the only consolation is Nadal, Agassi, Coria and Gaudio. Which is pathethic considering thats FOUR out of friggin EIGHT players. I think I may have to start watching doubles. And 3 of them with the exception of Coria are in the same group with friggin Davydenko. All the better, I am going to enjoy watching them thump the shithead love and love.

K. Fuck. I just checked the list. The next one on the qualifying list is shitfluke Puerta. If Federer, Nadal, Agassi, Coria, Gaudio or Nalbandian pull out, I'm officially not going.

Argh. Why am I so suey.

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 11:03 PM

Tuesday, November 8

t.o.w. service learning and pw

So you look at the title
and wonder out loud
that preach service learning I shall.
Stymied you shall be,
for I hate MOE's pee
and also tha*man's black weewee!

Sorry, I am not for I am enthralled
by Black Canyon Coffee's service drought.
While they seem polite,
their disinterest makes fires ignite.
Because you simple have to know,
that good service is Singapore's goal!

Instead, I am pleased
by a Microsoft's young miss.
My XBOX was faulty
and kind Miss Yugi was not haughty.
Patience, the virtue she had
it meant nothing could possibly go bad!

So there is that,
its silly as hats.
MOE must learn,
to throw the service learning burden.
What they must start to do,
is to call Black Canyon Coffee cuckoo!

One last thing I might add,
project work is such a fad.
Slaved and slaved we have,
we came, we did, we gave.
Only to soon see light,
that next year tha*man's ass takes flight!

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 11:16 PM

Friday, November 4

t.o.w. my magic wand

Hello you fools. Enjoy the update.

Ya, k. More thanks are in due. Err, mum for the damn apt camera case, dad for the soon to come bowling bag, titun for the shirts and jen cap. poster, my dearest ahma for the angbao, aunty yvonne for the tennis getup and also janice for the extremely entertaining magic kit. Oh and shaojie too for the lunch. K. I better acknowledge soul bro the chica mow and ronald macdonald too in case they flare up. thank yoo.

Anyway. I wanted to say this for the longest time, like since last Monday. Haha. But Heidi Klum rocks. Wah lao. She's a super hot model. Haha. Her catwalk on Project Runway leading all the other models was superb. Yum. K. Too early to find people I like in the show, but I kinda like Austin. Haha. Damn funny and some other guy whom I cant remember his name. And the girl with the weirded up hairdo. Err. I think the people I like are all in the same apartment. Go figure.

Haha. Anyway. Training today was damn pathetic. Like so few people came today. Tsk. Very bad k. I think the mindset is all very wrong, training is most definitely NOT OPTIONAL. Haiz. K, maybe I'm still under the strict influence of np, during which I skipped training for a grand total of ONE time . But still, the commitment from some is evidently lacking. argh! How are we going to improve! Heh. Listen to your vice-cap people. Listen! Haha. Anyway, we entertained ourselves with the damn lame magic set. But it was quite funny lah. But poor Shaojie was out sick. K. Get well soon, cappy. Err. Then training today was also quite weird, cos 64 came for their class outing and HEHEH stuff happened. But yah. But mainly cos towards the end David was trying to teach me to use the C-hook, but I'm like much more comfortable with J already. So I'm very confused now. Boo. But my oil patterns are improving. Haha. I think its damn cool how you can tell whether the ball is moving correctly by looking at the oil on the ball. Heh. K. Then played photohunt for a bit with janice before we left. Nyeh. The bloody machine is a bloody cheater fart. Money grubber.

Oh. Yesterday went out with soul bro and alison and shuuyan for dinner at Marche. Quite fun. I like eating with xuyan, I don't feel like I'm the only person who eats more than 2 teaspoons of food out there. Haha. Yea. Enjoyed the mashed potatoes extremely. And the peach alcohol drink that made Shiqi mabo even though it was only 5%. Ya. Haha. Quite funny, oh then watched Transporter 2 with the mabo-fart too. Quite nice. Err. Oh yah, then met the other birthday boy, Mr Yeo Songkai with his HUGE gang. Haha. I feel quite sad that his gang is so big and my party consists of just 4. Haha. But nevermind, I thank them all for coming out and having the nice uptown dinner. ;) Pun intended. Haha.

Err. I think I sound quite high in this entry. Haha. I think its Heidi Klum.

Oh. And Because Of You by Kelly Clarkson is damn nice. Go listen.

Mahjong tomorrow! Muahahaha! Yan Shuang, I want my booty back.

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 9:25 PM

Wednesday, November 2

t.o.w. the great find

Ahh. Happy pre-birthday to me! Heh.

Anyway. Thanks Dawei, Zhou, Wenyi, Yuqin, Yifang, Huiyan, Sua Ning, Poxie, Lim Young, Grace, Xuyan, Jiatub, Tubsy, Liz, Yixue X2 (heh.), Jinyang, Songkai, Hongkai, Junkai, Huiwen and Ade for the early gifts. Heh. Thanks a mil.

And also, Happy Birthday to Songkai! Heh. 3rd Nov rocks my socks.

Ya k. Quite a good haul this year, I must say. =) Thanks again!

Oh yah. Mahjong with the real pros this sat. Heh. Excited! Ahh. I hope Ernest goes. Shit. I sound bloody gay. Heh.

Hmm. Training today. Quite fun, with the little league in which I lost both my matches. Haha. But still fun. Hmm. I think I'm deproving by the day cos' I'm getting damn inconsisent. If I release the bloody Big Time straight then its damn nice and I can enter the pocket and hit the nice fat headpin and do well. But most of the time I tend to screw up the release and not pull up properly and everything goes to the left. PULL PULL PULL KENNETH YOU SHITHEAD. ARGH. K. Nvm. Fun playing photohunt too. We may not rule the lanes, but soon we will rule the hunt.

Heh. Then after that went to Rochor Road with Janice to find cheap bowling shoes/bag. We had to walk damn far from Little India but thank god the rustic little shop was open. And what a great find! Apparently this uncle is like the sole supplier of bowling shoes in Singapore as in he is the only local supplier. He supplies all the house shoes to all bowling alleys but apparently there is no more demand so he is out of business and he is closing shop soon. So he is trying to clear stock, but in the mean time he does great things like helping those people with feet problem by making shoes for them even though he doesnt earn much at all. And he was a damn nice and friendly guy. Haha. Too bad he has to close. The most important thing is that the shoes are a friggin steal. Its like interchangeable soles one going for 100 bucks and those normal ones going at 50 bucks. Which is like half the price from what the pro-shop sells. And apparently this uncle has been recognised to produce world-wide standard shoes. Quite impressive. Only thing is he doesnt bowl and seems quite backward, so I don't know if what he says and does is trustworthy. Ya, but its still a friggin steal la. Haha. Was thinking maybe can do the imprinted name on the shoes, that'll be damn pro la. I'll put something that says like shitfart, piss off. Heh. Too bad he doesnt do bags. Argh. I would have printed ASSHAT in bright gold letters. K nvm. After that went for dinner at BK with Janice cos' she was waiting for her parents. Talked a lot of random shit cock. Haha. Quite fun. Then it started to rain heavily and so I was compelled into taking a cab home. Shit. Waste money again. I am a wastrel.

AH. K. Tomorrow is a supposed nice day. Heh. But the major fart thing is that tomorrow's lunch is an extended family gathering to celebrate my funky ah kong's birthday which is not even tomorrow.

I shall steal his thunder.

Ya, k. Bye.

Yea yea. Thanks for all the presents again. Haha. I'm laughing like a shithead now. Woo! Thats all you needed to do! Really! =)

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 9:39 PM

Tuesday, November 1

t.o.w. the lizard and the boy

An unpublished Han Christian Anderson epic classic.

A long long time ago, when reptiles and humans ruled the lands hand in hand, lived a young boy. Destined to do many great things for humankind and equipped with the ability to throw with precision, his name was Babo. Unlike all his fellow humans, Babo detested reptiles, especially lizards. While the rest would drink and make merry with the slimey reptilians, Babo would hide in the toilet, determined never to come face to face with a lizard.

One fine day, Babo was minding his own business in the toilet when he suddenly saw a lizard perched on the wall. With immense trepidation, Babo leaped into the shower area in hope that the thin banana leaves would provide extra protection against the evil sinister lizard. Trapped in the shower area, Babo soon got bored and decided to take a bath. After he finished, he felt cold as the night breeze pricked his tender skin. Suddenly, the wind howled and the lizard dropped to the ground! Thinking that the reptile was now dead, Babo decided to venture out of the shower area. However, the moment his feet came into contact with the moist ground, the lizard sprang to life and scurried into a corner. With the piercing cold and his extremem bare-nakedness as motivation, Babo was now determined to face his fights like a true scaredy-cat. He grabbed some banana leaves and balled it up. With his ability to throw without missing, he aimed the banana ball or Baba at the corner and flung. Babo connects! Babo hurried out of the toilet to get tools to remove the deadly peice of dung from his haven, the toilet. When he came back with his trusty stick, he pryed the Baba from the corner and to his greatest amazement, the lizard was gone! For fear of his very existence, Babo could do nothing but drop his weapon and flee into the dark night.

Moral of the Story : It is always good to face your fears because when you finally do, your fears will disappear magically.

The End.

A very touching story indeed. Whye did the publishers not follow up with it?

kenn thwacked an asshat munchkin' at 8:55 PM